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The Gospel According to the Sasha Martinezes of the Past, Present, and the Probable Future—has, finally, after nine and a half months, found a home.
The last sentence of a Children’s Britannica entry on Vincent van Gogh.
Here are my September diaries. People have asked me why I’m so leery of blank spaces. It’s where the Black Dog burrows, see. It’s a day that I couldn’t get up, couldn’t do things that are intrinsic to my soul—writing, making art, navel-gazing while writing and making art. The blanks signify that the mean reds and the vicious purples have won for that day, and I’m left victim to their currents. This is why I’m keeping a diary devotedly: It’s a safe space, it’s a weapon, it’s a reassurance.
Can’t and Won’t: Some blank spaces. I don’t know if it’s anhedonia, the stifled and deadened compulsion to make art, or something more mundane in that I’m at home in my no-blank-spaces-thank-goodness diaries—but my Traveler’s Notebook has been largely ignored. These are but glances at the empty spaces that make me feel defeated. I begin, then falter. I don’t know if I should try again this week or to let it go.
A hardly-collage from my September diaries—resorting again to old paper, on a day I couldn’t write, found hard to take a stab at existing.
My first collage in a long, long, long time, and I was definitely feeling it in the assembly. It’s been hard to articulate the headspace—harder to experience, naturally—of wanting-to-make yet not-wanting-to-make. To want to paint but not want to paint. To want to create collages but not want to create collages. To want to write but not want to write. (In the last one, at least, there is a semblance of me emerging the victor.)
A belated birth anniversary to bisexual recluse icon, motherfucking mystery dame, and spiritual mother Greta Garbo. (An old experiment in watercolor portraiture, gold acrylic, and a collage using William Morris’ wallpaper facsimiles.)
Hadn’t had the energy nor the desire to wade into my Traveler’s Notebook in weeks, so for my reintroduction I’m taking things slow and simple with an illustration by Lilian Snelling (1879–1972). Here’s my index of the past week. (People have asked me how I use a Hobonichi and TN simultaneously: The Hobo is my diary; the TN is a summary, written in my illegible cursive in a feeble attempt at privacy + oddly enough, more space for art-making.) [Inks used: J. Herbin Cornaline d’Égypte, J. Herbin Corail des Tropiques, Noodler’s Cayenne, Robert Oster Forest Green.]
A few of what I call Hardly-Collages, made in my August diaries. When I cannot summon the paragraphs to match the feeling, when I cannot think and cannot write, I have old paper to fall back on to help me fill the page.
#Proust2013 Abandoned / Skimmed Alain de Botton Alberto Manguel Alice Munro Ali Smith Anna Campbell Art & Architecture Art & Illustrations Arthur Conan Doyle Audrey Niffenegger Ben Greenman Ben Yagoda Beth Kery Books About Books Carol Shields Charlotte Brontë Classics Classics Circuit Comic Books D.H. Lawrence Daphne du Maurier Dave Eggers David Shields Depression Eileen Chang Eleanor Catton Elizabeth Hardwick Eloisa James Erotica Erotic Romance Essays Excerpts Fiction - Novel Fiction - Novella Fiction - Short Stories Frank Miller Gabriel Garcia Marquez George Saunders Georges Simenon Gilbert Sorrentino Grace Paley Harold Brodkey HarperPerennial History Humor Irène Némirovsky James Salter Jamie Bulloch Jeffrey Eugenides Jonathan Franzen Joshua Ferris Julia Quinn Justin Taylor L.J. Davis Laura Kinsale Lionel Shriver Loretta Chase Lorrie Moore Lydia Davis Marcel Proust Margaret Atwood Marisha Pessl Mark Z. Danielewski Mary Balogh Memoir Metakritiko Miguel Syjuco Miranda July Neil Gaiman Nicholson Baker Nick Hornby Nicole Krauss NYRB Classics Oxford World's Classics Paul Auster Peirene Press Philippine Literature Philosophy Poetry Raymond Carver ReadHard Book Reference Rereading Richard Yates Robert Galbraith Roland Barthes Romance Novel Science Short Story Month 2010 Short Story Month 2011 Siri Hustvedt Stephen King Steve Martin The Classics Project 2011 The NYRB Classics Project Thomas Cobb TLC Book Tours Translation Zoë Heller
Sasha Martinez. Connect with me on: Google+.